Public School will segregate students based on religion this fall.

I can't believe that a public school is moving forward with a decision to segregate students on the basis of religion this fall. This is 2012 for crying out loud! Canada is susposed to be a multicultural society, not a christian one. I just don't get it.

Luke Fevin - one of the leaders in trying to promote the removal of christian prayer from classrooms at Sturgeon Heights - has exactly captured what this form means.

Dear Parent, could you please indicate which room of random students you would like your children to be with each morning when they sing "Oh Canada" & get publicly acknowledged for their birthdays & achievements.

Please ignore the fact that the majority will be praying & to select non-praying may have your family judged & ostricized, or your children stigmatized & separated from their friends.

You can read more about the issue here.

Pro Choice - This is why Canada should not re-open the abortion debate

Today, Conversative MP, Stephan Woodworth wants to open the debate around the definition of when human life begins and admits it is to re-open the issue of abortion rights in Canada.

I don't like where he's going with this.

While I think that biological arguments could be made that human life begins at conception, another biological and ethical argument can be made that a zygote/embryo/fetus depends on the life of it's host (the mother) who is an autonomous human being with rights and freedoms. The life of the zygote/embryo/fetus has serious impacts on the life and health of the mother. Our criminal code recognizes this and protects the rights of the autonomous human being. Therefore we do not need to to change our criminal code definitions - precisely because it endangers the rights, health, and well-being of autonomous human beings.

Coincidently, the author of "What Pale Blue Dot?" wrote about why she is pro-choice and I couldn't agree with her more.

Because I know that pregnancy kills, and more pregnancies kill more, and I believe in a woman's right to ensure her own survival (if for nothing else but to care for existing children), I strongly believe that women should have affordable, safe access to any and all measures to prevent and terminate pregnancy and the social support to utilize these measures.  Women should be in absolute control of when and under what conditions they put their lives at risk to bear a child. (emphasis mine) And we should value their lives enough to respect that agency.

For comparison, the death rate in any abortion procedure between 1993 and 1997 was .6 per 100,000 (Kaiser, 2002).  This makes ANY abortion, including late term, overall ten times safer than pregnancy and childbirth.  As it happens, this rate is still accurate, with more risky surgical abortion risk at .625 per 100,000 (NAF, 2006).
The takeaway on this is pregnancy is risky.  It may be less risky in wealthy nations when women have access to excellent medical care.  But it is always risky.  Women should be free to only take on this risk willingly and enthusiastically.  (emphasis mine) As such, all family planning services, contraceptive and abortive, are basic lifesaving healthcare and should never be denied to women.
Any denial of this lifesaving care is to presume that the life of a woman is less important than that of her potential offspring.

What bothers me most about pro-life activists is that they sure do seem to care a hell of a lot about the unborn than the living.

Please write your MPs and ask them to honor promises made by Stephan Harper that he will not allow this debate to be re-opened.

Freedom

This news story is so moving. I think that as we move towards a more tolerant society, we need to protect freedom of expression. The story is how a  Thompson Rivers University student, Sooraya Graham, a Canadian woman who is also Muslim and chooses to wear a niqab and abaya took a photograph trying to portray an image through art that Muslim women - even those who wear traditional dress are normal.

This is Canada, she is Canadian, and she has the right to express herself through this medium and the fact a a Muslim man complained should not have resulted in her photo being censored. As her professor says, it is an example of what art should do - make you think and consider the world through a different lense.

I`m not saying the Muslim student group who were offended by the photo can`t express their reasons, but I am saying that that offense should not silence the voice of their fellow students - who is one of their own faith. I will say though that the reactions of the offended student group and Saudi Arabia`s embassy does say alot about their own views on women`s rights - both to freedom of expression and personal freedoms such as whether to allow others to take photos of you...while you are fully clothed...folding laundry. Strange that such as everyday occurrance can be so thought-provoking...and so offensive?!...as to make news....in Canada!

Today, although Sooraya and I are far apart on religious issues - I want her to know that I support her rights and freedoms. I think her photo is very compelling on so many levels. In fact, I`m even a little glad that this controversy happened - because now even more people will see your work and hopefully stop and think about their own biases.

It Gets Better at Brigham Young University

I never went to BYU but I used to be a Mormon. I remember standing up to an institute teacher once when he expressed sadness that a politician had to resign because he said he wanted to turn back the clock and not only make same-sex marriage illegal again but also bring back sodomy laws. I expressed my belief that while same-sex marriage wasn't allowed in our church that I thought it was fine if other churches and the state wanted to do it and that turning back the clock was wrong. I remember emphasizing that our church was supposed to honor free will and that I thought that didn't mean legislated our preferences for marriage and sex. My teacher disagreed with me. I left the church a few months later, not for this reason, for many others, but I'm glad that things are getting better and that at least GLBT Mormons are at the very least able to say who they are and that they aren't getting expelled for it anymore and can even form a community. Good for these brave young people, (who are creating change from within, they are the pioneers not their supposed inspired leaders). I do truly hope it gets even better and that of it doesn't you can feel free to leave this organization behind if it continues to lag behind the more progressive parts of society I accepting you and allowing you to form the family of your dreams, whatever that looks like to you.

Who Really Has the Moral High Ground Here?

I've been following the request for public education free of religious instruction - as guaranteed by law - in Morinville. It's been a great story and I really admire the parents for what they have done to date and the progress that has been made. These parents have stood up to authority, with the law on their side, and solutions are on the way to Morinville- hopefully since it has been done in such a clumsy manner by our government.

Following the Morinville story lead me to following the stories around the new Education Act in Alberta as well. And in truth, it seemed like a good piece of legislation to me. It was so close to being passed, but then the call for an election halted its progress - due in large part to an effort by parents, who were concerned that teaching their kids about human rights, took away their rights to teach them whatever they wanted either in home schools or religious schools. See here, here, and here for more information.

However, I`m concerned that what is really happening is that forces, similar to those behind the religious right in the US, is trying to erode our public education system and our success as a country in protecting diversity and human rights. I`m sorry but if these kinds of movements and special interest groups means we`ll end up with Rick Santorums in Canada - then I`m not interested.

The Alberta Human Rights Act and the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms are great legislation, not perfect, but pretty awesome. They do protect those rights that need it the most - yes, the rights of homosexuals, racial and ethnic minorities, and religious and nonreligious folks.

Parents don`t need to worry that they cannot teach their children their own religious views - those rights and freedoms are firmly protected.

From the Charter:

Everyone has the following fundamental freedoms:

(a) freedom of conscience and religion;

(b) freedom of thought, belief, opinion and expression, including freedom of the press and other media of communication;

(c) freedom of peaceful assembly; and

(d) freedom of association.

And so while if you believe that being homosexual is a sin - you have every right to believe that and express that - but you do not have the right to discriminate against homosexuals - because they are humans who have rights too - the right to believe they are NOT sinners and the right to express that - and the right to not be discriminated against on the basis of who they love.

So, does the religious right have the moral high ground here? Hello, they are protesting teaching human rights and canadian law to their children - somethings that the Minister of Education said the act won't even force them to do! Their religion has them questioning whether or not to uphold laws and legislation that protect everyone - and Canada's unique multi-cultural, plural society.

I find these enshrined rights to be full of values that I can support.

From the Charter

Every individual is equal before and under the law and has the right to the equal protection and equal benefit of the law without discrimination and, in particular, without discrimination based on race, national or ethnic origin, colour, religion, sex, age or mental or physical disability.

From the Alberta Human Rights Act:

WHEREAS recognition of the inherent dignity and the equal and

inalienable rights of all persons is the foundation of freedom,

justice and peace in the world;

WHEREAS it is recognized in Alberta as a fundamental principle

and as a matter of public policy that all persons are equal in:

dignity, rights and responsibilities without regard to race, religious

beliefs, colour, gender, physical disability, mental disability, age,

ancestry, place of origin, marital status, source of income, family

status or sexual orientation;

WHEREAS multiculturalism describes the diverse racial and

cultural composition of Alberta society and its importance is

recognized in Alberta as a fundamental principle and a matter of

public policy;

WHEREAS it is recognized in Alberta as a fundamental principle

and as a matter of public policy that all Albertans should share in

composition of society and that the richness of life in Alberta is

enhanced by sharing that diversity; and

WHEREAS it is fitting that these principles be affirmed by the

Legislature of Alberta in an enactment whereby those equality

rights and that diversity may be protected:

The Act goes on to clarify that freedom of belief and expression are protected. There is nothing wrong with teaching children about the laws, acts, and charter. It's typical social studies. The religious right is just wrong on this issue and I have to wonder - to what end?

I believe...

I have been participating in a facebook discussion where I challenged the idea that atheists find more acceptence in the world than christians. Of course, with some good-natured ribbing, I got push back from believers who trotted out typical atheist stereotypes - you know the ones I'm talking about...

Atheists

• are angry
• are smug
• don't believe in anything
• don't exist ie. someone said "I don't believe in atheists" (this one always makes me chuckle, as there is more evidence that atheists exist than that god exists)

Anyway, I've been neglecting this blog for far too long and writing about the things I do believe in seemed like an easy thing to post about.

The author of the blog, Releasing Religion, summarizes my feelings well...

"It is a common misconception that to be an atheist is to be a believer of nothing. On the contrary, to be an atheist can be an exquisite search for truth, just as passionate as any religious follower could be."

My atheism definitely started with a search for truth - and the journey was exquisite - sometimes exquisitely painful, exquisitely frustrating, and definitely exquisitely joyful. My journey started with dealing with the uncomfortable experience of facing the cognitive dissonance that was building between what seemed compassionate and real and what my church taught and I believed. Examining my cherished religious beliefs in light of obvious contradictions with my personal values and reality was probably once of the most intense periods of self-reflection of my life. Don't they say that the unexamined life isn't worth living?

My journey to atheism was not an overnight journey - it started with questioning the teachings of my church, broadening my view of what a just god would really be like, then searching for evidence of that god or a community that embraced that view. Finding none, I accepted that organized religion could got hold all that god probably is and slid towards agnostism. Finally I realized that proving god did or did not exist was pointless - the fact of the matter is that either way, it didn`t matter - I didn`t need to believe in god to lead a good life, be a good person, care for others, care for the world and its inhabitants, or to be grounded in values.

Everyone has values - no matter what supernatural powers people do or do not believe in. I`ve found that finding common values regardless of belief is how to build community and find meaning - doesn`t matter where you think those values come from. So without further ado - are are the things that I believe in - in no particular order.

I believe in compassion.

I believe in fairness.

I believe that human beings have the capacity for developing excellent solutions to complex problems.

I believe humans have a responsibility to care for others - because it makes our lives easier when there are people to care for us.

I believe that we need to leave the world a better place (or at least a habitable place) for future generations - because so far, it seems this is only place we humans really have to live.

I believe in working together to find solutions to the problems that face us in the here and now.

I believe in following your heart in a way that does not harm others.

I believe in standing up for people who cannot or will not stand up for themselves.

I believe in human rights and justice.

I believe that discrimination and prejudice should be identified and called out.

I believe that a secular public life built on shared humanist values protects everyone`s right to religion the best.

I believe that religious beliefs are best left to families and churches and that the state should not interfere in these beliefs unless those beliefs are acted upon in ways that infringe on others` human rights (ie. the belief that a husband has the right to beat his wife into submission, or that parents can deny their children medical care, honor killings, etc.)

I believe that men and women are equal.

I believe that children should not be abused and deserve the respect of their human dignity.

I believe that education is important and that the scientific method is really our best way of finding out about and understanding the world and the universe.

I believe in the golden rule - which has found its way into many philosophies and ancient religions and predates christianity.

I believe that there are many right ways to have a family - as long as there is love, support, commitment and fairness.

I do have a bias against religion, I`ll admit it, but I try to be respecful of people`s rights to believe. However, I do not think that religious ideas and ideals are off limits for criticism just because they are called religious. If an idea has merit, it should stand on it`s own, have support in the real world, and not be protected against discussion - as it is simply an idea that must stand on it`s own in the marketplace of values and ideas.

For someone who is an atheist and "doesn`t believe in anything", I find my heart and mind full - I could even say "my cup runneth over."

Peace!

Favourite Posts of 2011

Well, I didn't write as much as I would have liked this year. There is so much I want to research, share and say, and too many unfinished posts. Having a baby has been a great journey, and I love being a secular parent. That doesn't seem to mean much at this stage of the game, but I've had a fun time connecting with secular parents through an incredible large, private group of women from around the world on facebook and immersing myself in reading the blogs listed to the right and learning more about secularism and society from some of my favourite bloggers.

My voice on issues of atheism and secularism is still small and a little tentative, I am quite proud of a few pieces I've written this year. I hope to create this space as a place to use this type of voice more often.

When reviewing my readership statistics for the past year, I was so pleased to find so many hits for
Grief and Atheism.  I poured my heart this piece because it speaks to the humanity we all share, regardless of our beliefs. Believers in god(s) sometimes have the mistaken notion that athiests either don't care about death or devastate us more than themselves because athiests do not have the comfort of religion or god. I haven't found that to be true. I hope that those who read this post were comforted, felt supported, or felt like they understood that athiests do ascribe just as much meaning to their lives and the lives of their loved ones as most folks do - it just might look different.

I had a lot of fun writing The Dilemna of Santa. I think that this is mostly just a dilemma for me although there were some pretty heated discussions about this in the facebook group I mentioned earlier. I tend to overanalyze things too much. My mom thought I was crazy when I started entertaining the notion of "not doing Santa" and what some of my reasons were. This post only sums up my own conclusions of what was actually a very difficult decision-making process where I weighed many of the pros and cons. At the end of the day though, I don't think there is only one answer on this issue.

The Problem with Pretending to Know the Future and Science Doesn't Require Faith! were mostly rants about religious behaviours that annoy me, but I hope to find the courage to approach topics like these more often. I find it difficult to address such topics in a way that expresses my feelings and thoughts in a way that is respectful of religious individuals without offering undue respect to religious beliefs that are not worthy of respect. To be clear, I support freedom of conscious and freedom of belief.  I just do not support the idea that religious beliefs shouldn't be challenged if it is being held out as some of sort universal truth. Religious beliefs, like all ideologies, if promoted as The Truth, should stand up to criticism, testing, and debate in the marketplace of ideas.

And finally, in light of the recent Reddit misongyny event, my post early in the year on Judge shows that Feminism has a way to go yet shows that misongyny still holds a place in even the courts of Canada. It's a pervasive problem in society and needs scrutiny and discussion no matter where it happens - without changing the subject.

I hope to become a stronger voice in 2012; but in the meantime, I'm glad to have gotten my feet wet in 2011.

PS. I didn't forget the cute baby posts.

The Dilemna of Santa

When I first left faith behind me, I felt duped by religion and felt that I really had to learn to protect myself from getting duped again. One of the things I thought that I would do to prevent my future kids from "being duped" was to never lie to them. At the time I thought that might mean not creating the illusion of Santa Claus at Christmas - because I would have to lie to my child to get them to believe in something that isn't true.

Whether or not to "do" Santa during the Christmas season is a common discussion point among atheist and non-theist parents. There are plenty of arguments to go around...

Against Santa

1. Telling my kids that Santa is coming is lying
2. Santa has too many religious connotations (ie. based on a catholic saint, imaginary figure that is judging your goodness or badness, etc.)

For Santa

1. It's fun!
2. I don't want my kids to miss out on this mainly secular part of the holiday.
3. It's part of the magic of Christmas
4. It's an opportunity to see how humans are fully capable of falling for a socially-acceptable myth and figure out the truth on their own.

It's funny, but I am swayed by all these arguments - both for and against. These are all reasons I can understand and appreciate. Really, at the end of the day, I don't think it really matters in the big scheme of things how you spend the holidays - christian or not (as long as you're not encroaching on anyone's human rights).

So, as I said, when I first left faith behind me, I thought I would go the no-Santa route. In talking with my mom and others about this over the past two years, I have seen some push back, but none-the-less I thought, given my values and personal belief,s that I could make Christmas special without Santa, and I think I still could.

However...my memories of Christmases growing up are powerful!!!! My parents put on a really, really good show at Christmas and I LOVED IT! Coming out of my room early on Christmas morning, being so tickled at the sight of a filled stocking, new presents under the tree, and feeling so mystified by how it all happened was pretty magical - and then it hit me!

Magic requires a magician!!!! My parents were magicians!

People who create an illusion without giving away their secret are magicians. We know people aren't really magic, but we still enjoy the illusion. And just like learning about how to do a magic trick - whenever we want to, with some effort and a willingness to let go of the "magic" in exchange for knowledge, can we figure out the trick!

So, I decided to never actually tell my daughter there is (or is not) a Santa, but there will be a filled stocking, a special present that wasn't there on Christmas eve, some eaten cookies, and a lighted, decorated tree on Christmas morning. Society will fill in the rest about who is leaving these gifts and how it is done. Whenever I am asked "how is it done?" "Can one man really fly around the world in one night?" and "is Santa real?", I will turn the question around (as Dale McGowan says) and ask "what do you think?" and give her a chance to take the veil from her own eyes. And hopefully she won't feel tricked or wronged by the illusion - hopefully I can help her understand how fun the game is and what we can learn from it.

And hopefully, she will take those lessons out into the world for her own use.

Secularism

I really enjoyed reading the following about secularism and wanted to share it. I yearn for this kind of culture in our global soceity.

SECULARISM

     Several people have asked me the meaning of this term.

     Secularism is the religion of humanity; it embraces the
affairs of this world; it is interested in everything that touches
the welfare of a sentient being; it advocates attention to the
particular planet in which we happen to live; it means that each
individual counts for something; it is a declaration of
intellectual independence; it means that the pew is superior to the
pulpit, that those who bear the burdens shall have the profits and
that they who fill the purse shall hold the strings. It is a
protest against theological oppression, against ecclesiastical
tyranny, against being the serf, subject or slave of any phantom,
or of the priest of any phantom. It is a protest against wasting
this life for the sake of one that we know not of. It proposes to
let the gods take care of themselves. It is another name for common
sense; that is to say, the adaptation of means to such ends as are
desired and understood.

     Secularism believes in building a home here, in this world. It
trusts to individual effort, to energy, to intelligence, to
observation and experience rather than to the unknown and the
supernatural. It desires to be happy on this side of the grave.

     Secularism means food and fireside, roof and raiment,
reasonable work and reasonable leisure, the cultivation of the
tastes, the acquisition of knowledge, the enjoyment of the arts,
and it promises for the human race comfort, independence,
intelligence, and above all liberty. It means the abolition of
sectarian feuds, of theological hatreds. It means the cultivation
of friendship and intellectual hospitality. It means the living for
ourselves and each other; for the present instead of the past, for
this world rather than for another. It means the right to express
your thought in spite of popes, priests, and gods. It means that
impudent idleness shall no longer live upon the labor of honest
men. It means the destruction of the business of those who trade in
fear. It proposes to give serenity and content to the human soul.
It will put out the fires of eternal pain. It is striving to do
away with violence and vice, with ignorance, poverty and disease.
It lives for the ever present to-day, and the ever coming to-
morrow. It does not believe in praying and receiving, but in
earning and deserving. It regards work as worship, labor as prayer,
and wisdom as the savior of mankind. It says to every human being,
Take care of yourself so that you may be able to help others; adorn
your life with the gems called good deeds; illumine your path with
the sunlight called friendship and love.

     Secularism is a religion, a religion that is understood. It
has no mysteries, no mumblings, no priests, no ceremonies, no
falsehoods, no miracles, and no persecutions. It considers the
lilies of the field, and takes thought for the morrow. It says to
the whole world, Work that you may eat, drink, and be clothed; work
that you may enjoy; work that you may not want; work that you may
give and never need.

                         The Independent Pulpit, Waco, Texas, 1887. Robert Green Ingersoll

Public Schools Introduce Anti-Discrimination Policy for GLBT Youth - Christian program doesn't like it

I've been following the news regarding Edmonton Public School Board's (EPSB) decision to create policy that would protect Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgendered (GLBT) youth from harrassment, discrimination and bullying at school. Unfortunately, in order to spin a story, the Edmonton Journal chose to focus not on why this policy is needed or how it will help and protect GLBT students, but instead on how the Christian LOGOS program are concerned that the policy "could have a significant, negative impact" on their programming.

With a little searching, I found a discussion document on why the EPSB decided they needed to develop this policy. The rationale for creating such a policy, outside of regular school anti-bullying policy, includes the following points:

1. research that shows that GLBT youth experience significantly more physical and sexual abuse and harrassment in school, have run away from home, have trouble with harmful substances, report more sucidal thoughts, and suicide attempts than their peers.
2. The Alberta Government was the first in Canada to name homophobic bullying as an education concern (surprisingly progressive for Alberta!), in addition all public funded schools in Alberta are legally mandated to provide discrimination-free educational environments
3. Courts are encouraging school to do more than just discipline bullies, but must also "address a pervasive school-wide culture of homophobia, transphobia, and heterosexism."
4. And finally, and to me, most importantly

"Contemporary research demonstrates that vulnerable minority groups have needs and concerns that are seldom effectively addressed by broad “catch all” policies. (...) A specific LGBTT policy and accompanying regulations are necessary to help provide teachers and administrators with the necessary knowledge, strategies, and resources to create safe, caring, equitable, and inclusive learning environments for sexual minority students and employees. In addition, these policies also provide important support for heterosexual students who may come from same-sex parented families. Importantly, the development of specific policy and regulations will also create recommended actions and outcomes from which progress can be measured and evaluated. ... However and perhaps most importantly, as an invisible minority, a standalone policy visibly signals to the LGBTT community that they are a valued and respected part of our school communities.

At the end of the day, GLBTT students and students of GLBTT parents, experience bullying for very different reasons than heterosexual kids. It's often not an issue of just dealing with the class bully who is lashing out - but from overt and subtle discrimination and harrassment from many students, teachers, counsellors, and administrators. This kind of bullying, harrassment, and discrimination comes from a place of bigotry, fear, and homophobia: it is not the same as your run-of-the-mill school-yard bullying (although it can be that too). Teachers and students need different resources and training to deal with these issues to make school a safe place for GLBTT.

I would also venture to guess that GLBTT youth need these policies even more in a relgious enviroment. GLBTT youth who come from religious backgrounds often don't choose their schools - their parents do. Potentialy, these youth cannot get support or help with their feelings from their own family members who may believe that homosexuality is a choice and a sin - wouldn't it be nice if they could find support, help, and community at school - since they might not be getting it at home or church?

I am sad that the publically funded LOGOS program is more concerned about their teachers' rights to "freely [express] their Christian beliefs in the classroom" and thereby contribute to a homophobic culture than to protect the vulnerable youth that are certainly in their midst. Perhaps they can just focus on the many positive Christian beliefs they hold regarding love and charity - and keep their views on homosexuality to themselves in the classroom - leave those beliefs to be taught at church, in the political arena if you feel you must, and in your home. Maybe keep them from vulnerable children who are just trying to discover who they are and get comfortable in their own skin. Although, perhaps you might just choose to focus on your own sins, rather than the percieved sins of others, who may not share your view anyway.

My heart aches of GLBT youth - let's see if we can't help them make it through high school without being tormented - and everyone else too.

For a great opinion piece on this issue please see this.

Be a Better Spouse: Challenge #3

One of my new favourite blogs, Motherhood Uncensored, is challenging parents to be better spouses and giving out daily challenges. Today is all about remembering the good stuff, as it can be lost in parenthood. It's not about appreciating the parent they've become, but about remember what you loved about them before you became parents - why you fell in love with your spouse. So, as I'm low on blog ideas lately, I decided that this would be a chance to remember the good stuff about my amazing husband.

1. He makes me feel important.
2. He makes me laugh.
3. I like the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles.
4. He gave me the best compliment of my life when he said, "You are beautiful because you shine from the inside."
5. He is neat and orderly and helps out more than his share around the house.
6. He is affectionate and this has not faded over the years.
7. He is great with my family and has made them all love him.
8. He is surprisingly insightful when I least expect it.
9. He is hot! (although he disagrees with me on this point)

I love you babe! I'm so glad we're doing this crazy thing called life together.

Teaching Honesty from a Secular Point of View

For over half of my adult life I was pretty religious - a believing, practicing, faithful member of the LDS or Mormon Church. In 2004, I decided to leave the church behind me for a variety of reasons. Over the next year, I left the rest of my faith in Christianity and a personal God behind me as well. I now consider myself an atheist-leaning agnostic.

I do not believe in a god or gods mostly because I do not believe there is an objective way prove the existance of such a being. I can not prove that God does not exist, which is why I use an agnostic label, but I claim the athiest qualifier because I can no more prove that God doesn't exist than I can prove that invisible unicorns roam the earth - and I don't think it matters. Richard Feynman, a famous physicist, sums of my feelings on the subject best:

"I can live with doubt and uncertainty and not knowing. I think it's much more interesting to live not knowing than to have answers which might be wrong. I have approximate answers and possible beliefs and different degrees of certainty about different things, but I'm not absolutely sure of anything there are many things I don't know anything about, such as whether it means anything to ask why we're here. I don't have to know the answer. I don't feel frightened by not knowing things, by being lost in a mysterious universe without any purpose, which is the way it really is as far as I can tell. It doesn't frighten me."

It's a funny experience going from a religious worldview to a nonreligious worldview. It really seems to freak people out. Some people feel sorry for me, some people decided pull away from me - even though I support a person`s right to believe whatever they want as long as those beliefs do not turn into actions that harm others. Even my mother, who is not religious, but does believe in a higher power, has asked me how I plan to teach my children right from wrong without instilling a belief in God. Well, I simply believe "being good" has it's own rewards and "being bad" has it's own consequences - ones that play out in a very real way right here in this world.

For example, when I was a kid, my mom sent me to Sunday School and at Easter we would always watch the movie The Ten Commandments. As a christian child, I knew that one of the commandments was "Thou shall not tell lies." I was also vaguely aware that god was happy if I followed the commandments but would be angry if I didn't. While I cared about "being good" as a small believing child, in the moment that a lie would seemingly save my butt from getting grounded or a light spanking, I didn't remember those commandments too well - I just wanted to avoid earthly consequences - and sometimes lying worked!

However, whenever my mom did catch me in a lie, she turned it into a teachable moment - and this experience taught me more about why it is important to be honest than anything I ever learned in Sunday School. One of my earliest memories is from a time when I was maybe 4 or 5 years old. I had chipped away some paint on my bedroom wall and discovered that underneath the boring eggshell color was bright pink....oooo pretty!

So I started picking away at the eggshell to reveal the bright pink underneath, by the time my mom came to my room, there was a bright pink smilely face on my wall by my bed. She was mad and I could tell! The first words out of her mouth were "Did you do that?"

I could tell she was mad and that I would get in trouble so I said, "No, mommy." My mom rolled her eyes and said, "Deanna, I know you're lying, you were the only one in here." Oops! Ever notice what terrible liars kids are? So she told me to stay in my room until I told her the truth.

I cried for a bit, alone in my room, and then my mom, all calmed down, came in to talk to me.

She said, "Do you know why you shouldn't tell lies to people?"

Sniffling, I said, "why?"

"Because, Deanna, when you don't tell people the truth, they will not trust you. When trust is broken, it is very hard for someone to believe anything you say even if what you say is true, and trust is very hard to rebuild."

That always stuck with me. And even when I forgot this lesson and tried lying as child to get what I wanted or to get out of trouble, my mom would always send me to the person I lied to and make me tell the truth - and you know what - I could always tell that that person did lose their trust in me, it's something you can see in their eyes.

As an adult honesty is very important to me - not because it is a rule in an old book - but because I find my relationships are richer with people who trust me and whom I trust in return. This is one of the reasons I do not believe I will need to instill a belief in God to teach my kids right from wrong.

Thoughts on Expressing my Views

Dale McGowan recently posted a glowing review of The Humanist Approach to Happiness by Jennifer Hancock - a book that I have now placed on my own "to-read" list. A couple of the things that Dale said in this post really resonated with me. The first statement that hit me is one I have often felt myself:

For many years, virtually all of the books for nontheists had a kind of superhuman quality to them — stratospheric works of science or philosophy that blow your hair back with articulate rigor. I couldn’t read The End of Faith or pretty much anything by Russell or Hitchens without feeling both amazed and a little bit cowed by the intellectual horsepower.

I have definitely felt this way when reading Dawkins, Hitchens, Sagan, and Shermer - to mention a few. There are many topics I would like to write about - but whenever I begin to draft a post on a topic that is somewhat controversial like my interest in atheism, science, medicine, secularism, politics, education, etc., I begin to fear that I do not have the expertise to truly address the issue. I am not a hard-hitting scientist (or a scientist at all for that matter), I am not in staunch opposition to anyone who has any kind of religious belief, although I have left my own religious beliefs behind me. I`m just an ordinary person, who having once found myself to be completely accepting and believing of something I later found to be demonstrably false, has made a decision to live my life in a way that honours the values I hold dear without religion and who trys to apply critical thinking, logic, and sound knowledge when faced with decisions that affect my family`s well-being and happiness.

When I came across Dale McGown and his book "Parenting Beyond Belief", I was introduced to a sample of people who seem to be just like me: individuals who think deeply about their place in the world, how to be happy, and how to make the world we share a better place through their own unique contributions - all without religion. It was sooooooooo refreshing. I never doubted that I couldn't be happy without religion - the last 6 years have been great so far! - or that I could raise ethical caring kids without religion, but it was really, really nice to read about parents who are already doing this. Of the author of The Humanist Approach to Happiness, Dale says:

Jen never tries to speak universally. She speaks for herself, clearly and informally, thinking out loud about decision making, simplicity, honesty, body ethics, sex, vibrators, relationships, addiction, self-image, pooping, death, and more. ... The net effect is a conversation about everything with an intelligent, unpretentious friend.

This is how I want to express myself on this blog and I hope I find both the courage and grace to do so without worrying too much about how others may receive my thoughts and opinions. I want to express my gratitude for those who are part of the ongoing conversation and online community who are setting the example for me - many of whom you can find on my blog list.

Why isn't empathy a universal human value?

I just read a sad story about a young man, Tyler Clementi, apparently gay, who killed himself after discovering that his roommate had wired their room and secretly taped and broadcast Tyler having an initmate encounter. I can't imagine that Tyler's roommate would have guessed how Tyler would take this invasion of privacy and public humiliation - I hope he regrets his actions.

I can only guess why Tyler's roommate would do such a thing - did he think it was funny? Perhaps he thought his college buddies would think it was funny, but did he even stop to think how Tyler would feel? My guess is no - or worse, that he knew Tyler would be upset, hurt, and embarassed - but maybe that reaction would just add to the fun. I really can't stand people who think that hurting or embarassing others is fun or funny.

When I was a kid, as young as 5 or 6, my mom would ask me - how would you feel if someone did that to you? I was asked this whenever I let my friends make fun of my sister or other kids. I was asked this when I trampled on the neighbors garden so I could pick their raspberries. I was asked this when I tried to lie to get away with what I wanted - and over time I developed empathy. It took awhile, but eventually, I came to a point where I could truly put myself in someone else's shoes and know what it would feel like to be humiliated, to be hurt, to be embarassed. Some of those lessons came when I, myself, was the brunt of jokes or public humiliation - or when no one would stand up for me. Then I really knew how it felt - and vowed to never, ever make someone else feel that way and I started standing up to bullies, calling people on insensitive comments, or distancing myself from people who were insensitive to other's feelings. I even started reaching out to people who seemed to be lonely and made some really, really cool friends that way. But I hope that people don't have to experience that kind of pain to develop empathy.

The thing about empathy is you really have to consider that someone might take teasing differently than you do. Some things aren't easy to shrug off - maybe they are for you - but not someone else. Sometimes we need to stand up to others who want to humiliate others and say, "I don't want to participate in that." I wonder if Tyler's roommate would have accomplished his "trick" if it weren't for another dorm student who let him use her computer to broadcast shy Tyler's evening with his boyfriend? If she had thought, "how would I feel if someone broadcast me making out with my boyfriend on the internet without my knowledge?" perhaps Tyler would still be alive today. We'll never know.

But for now, I wish that empathy could exist in the hearts of all humans for all humans.