I believe...

I have been participating in a facebook discussion where I challenged the idea that atheists find more acceptence in the world than christians. Of course, with some good-natured ribbing, I got push back from believers who trotted out typical atheist stereotypes - you know the ones I'm talking about...

Atheists

• are angry
• are smug
• don't believe in anything
• don't exist ie. someone said "I don't believe in atheists" (this one always makes me chuckle, as there is more evidence that atheists exist than that god exists)

Anyway, I've been neglecting this blog for far too long and writing about the things I do believe in seemed like an easy thing to post about.

The author of the blog, Releasing Religion, summarizes my feelings well...

"It is a common misconception that to be an atheist is to be a believer of nothing. On the contrary, to be an atheist can be an exquisite search for truth, just as passionate as any religious follower could be."

My atheism definitely started with a search for truth - and the journey was exquisite - sometimes exquisitely painful, exquisitely frustrating, and definitely exquisitely joyful. My journey started with dealing with the uncomfortable experience of facing the cognitive dissonance that was building between what seemed compassionate and real and what my church taught and I believed. Examining my cherished religious beliefs in light of obvious contradictions with my personal values and reality was probably once of the most intense periods of self-reflection of my life. Don't they say that the unexamined life isn't worth living?

My journey to atheism was not an overnight journey - it started with questioning the teachings of my church, broadening my view of what a just god would really be like, then searching for evidence of that god or a community that embraced that view. Finding none, I accepted that organized religion could got hold all that god probably is and slid towards agnostism. Finally I realized that proving god did or did not exist was pointless - the fact of the matter is that either way, it didn`t matter - I didn`t need to believe in god to lead a good life, be a good person, care for others, care for the world and its inhabitants, or to be grounded in values.

Everyone has values - no matter what supernatural powers people do or do not believe in. I`ve found that finding common values regardless of belief is how to build community and find meaning - doesn`t matter where you think those values come from. So without further ado - are are the things that I believe in - in no particular order.

I believe in compassion.

I believe in fairness.

I believe that human beings have the capacity for developing excellent solutions to complex problems.

I believe humans have a responsibility to care for others - because it makes our lives easier when there are people to care for us.

I believe that we need to leave the world a better place (or at least a habitable place) for future generations - because so far, it seems this is only place we humans really have to live.

I believe in working together to find solutions to the problems that face us in the here and now.

I believe in following your heart in a way that does not harm others.

I believe in standing up for people who cannot or will not stand up for themselves.

I believe in human rights and justice.

I believe that discrimination and prejudice should be identified and called out.

I believe that a secular public life built on shared humanist values protects everyone`s right to religion the best.

I believe that religious beliefs are best left to families and churches and that the state should not interfere in these beliefs unless those beliefs are acted upon in ways that infringe on others` human rights (ie. the belief that a husband has the right to beat his wife into submission, or that parents can deny their children medical care, honor killings, etc.)

I believe that men and women are equal.

I believe that children should not be abused and deserve the respect of their human dignity.

I believe that education is important and that the scientific method is really our best way of finding out about and understanding the world and the universe.

I believe in the golden rule - which has found its way into many philosophies and ancient religions and predates christianity.

I believe that there are many right ways to have a family - as long as there is love, support, commitment and fairness.

I do have a bias against religion, I`ll admit it, but I try to be respecful of people`s rights to believe. However, I do not think that religious ideas and ideals are off limits for criticism just because they are called religious. If an idea has merit, it should stand on it`s own, have support in the real world, and not be protected against discussion - as it is simply an idea that must stand on it`s own in the marketplace of values and ideas.

For someone who is an atheist and "doesn`t believe in anything", I find my heart and mind full - I could even say "my cup runneth over."

Peace!

Favourite Posts of 2011

Well, I didn't write as much as I would have liked this year. There is so much I want to research, share and say, and too many unfinished posts. Having a baby has been a great journey, and I love being a secular parent. That doesn't seem to mean much at this stage of the game, but I've had a fun time connecting with secular parents through an incredible large, private group of women from around the world on facebook and immersing myself in reading the blogs listed to the right and learning more about secularism and society from some of my favourite bloggers.

My voice on issues of atheism and secularism is still small and a little tentative, I am quite proud of a few pieces I've written this year. I hope to create this space as a place to use this type of voice more often.

When reviewing my readership statistics for the past year, I was so pleased to find so many hits for
Grief and Atheism.  I poured my heart this piece because it speaks to the humanity we all share, regardless of our beliefs. Believers in god(s) sometimes have the mistaken notion that athiests either don't care about death or devastate us more than themselves because athiests do not have the comfort of religion or god. I haven't found that to be true. I hope that those who read this post were comforted, felt supported, or felt like they understood that athiests do ascribe just as much meaning to their lives and the lives of their loved ones as most folks do - it just might look different.

I had a lot of fun writing The Dilemna of Santa. I think that this is mostly just a dilemma for me although there were some pretty heated discussions about this in the facebook group I mentioned earlier. I tend to overanalyze things too much. My mom thought I was crazy when I started entertaining the notion of "not doing Santa" and what some of my reasons were. This post only sums up my own conclusions of what was actually a very difficult decision-making process where I weighed many of the pros and cons. At the end of the day though, I don't think there is only one answer on this issue.

The Problem with Pretending to Know the Future and Science Doesn't Require Faith! were mostly rants about religious behaviours that annoy me, but I hope to find the courage to approach topics like these more often. I find it difficult to address such topics in a way that expresses my feelings and thoughts in a way that is respectful of religious individuals without offering undue respect to religious beliefs that are not worthy of respect. To be clear, I support freedom of conscious and freedom of belief.  I just do not support the idea that religious beliefs shouldn't be challenged if it is being held out as some of sort universal truth. Religious beliefs, like all ideologies, if promoted as The Truth, should stand up to criticism, testing, and debate in the marketplace of ideas.

And finally, in light of the recent Reddit misongyny event, my post early in the year on Judge shows that Feminism has a way to go yet shows that misongyny still holds a place in even the courts of Canada. It's a pervasive problem in society and needs scrutiny and discussion no matter where it happens - without changing the subject.

I hope to become a stronger voice in 2012; but in the meantime, I'm glad to have gotten my feet wet in 2011.

PS. I didn't forget the cute baby posts.

The Dilemna of Santa

When I first left faith behind me, I felt duped by religion and felt that I really had to learn to protect myself from getting duped again. One of the things I thought that I would do to prevent my future kids from "being duped" was to never lie to them. At the time I thought that might mean not creating the illusion of Santa Claus at Christmas - because I would have to lie to my child to get them to believe in something that isn't true.

Whether or not to "do" Santa during the Christmas season is a common discussion point among atheist and non-theist parents. There are plenty of arguments to go around...

Against Santa

1. Telling my kids that Santa is coming is lying
2. Santa has too many religious connotations (ie. based on a catholic saint, imaginary figure that is judging your goodness or badness, etc.)

For Santa

1. It's fun!
2. I don't want my kids to miss out on this mainly secular part of the holiday.
3. It's part of the magic of Christmas
4. It's an opportunity to see how humans are fully capable of falling for a socially-acceptable myth and figure out the truth on their own.

It's funny, but I am swayed by all these arguments - both for and against. These are all reasons I can understand and appreciate. Really, at the end of the day, I don't think it really matters in the big scheme of things how you spend the holidays - christian or not (as long as you're not encroaching on anyone's human rights).

So, as I said, when I first left faith behind me, I thought I would go the no-Santa route. In talking with my mom and others about this over the past two years, I have seen some push back, but none-the-less I thought, given my values and personal belief,s that I could make Christmas special without Santa, and I think I still could.

However...my memories of Christmases growing up are powerful!!!! My parents put on a really, really good show at Christmas and I LOVED IT! Coming out of my room early on Christmas morning, being so tickled at the sight of a filled stocking, new presents under the tree, and feeling so mystified by how it all happened was pretty magical - and then it hit me!

Magic requires a magician!!!! My parents were magicians!

People who create an illusion without giving away their secret are magicians. We know people aren't really magic, but we still enjoy the illusion. And just like learning about how to do a magic trick - whenever we want to, with some effort and a willingness to let go of the "magic" in exchange for knowledge, can we figure out the trick!

So, I decided to never actually tell my daughter there is (or is not) a Santa, but there will be a filled stocking, a special present that wasn't there on Christmas eve, some eaten cookies, and a lighted, decorated tree on Christmas morning. Society will fill in the rest about who is leaving these gifts and how it is done. Whenever I am asked "how is it done?" "Can one man really fly around the world in one night?" and "is Santa real?", I will turn the question around (as Dale McGowan says) and ask "what do you think?" and give her a chance to take the veil from her own eyes. And hopefully she won't feel tricked or wronged by the illusion - hopefully I can help her understand how fun the game is and what we can learn from it.

And hopefully, she will take those lessons out into the world for her own use.

In Honor of "Read-In Week"

In honor of Read In Week, I would like to share the reasons I love to read and express gratitude to my parents, teachers, and friends who encouraged a love of reading in me as a child.

Reasons I love to read:

1. Enjoying the quiet time to sit and read a good book - this is the best "me time"
2. Exploring new ideas and different ways of seeing the world, a different culture, or a particular issue without having to leave the comfort of my own.
3. Learning about the world, I read at least 1-3 non-fiction books a year.
4. Researching advice on topics of importance to me to solve problems
5. Informing myself about the world
6. Finding new things to talk about with my friends and family

I mostly read for enjoyment, learning, and entertainment. Yesterday, I was reading a blog post on books that groups and organizations have lobbied for banning certain books from American libraries. I was overwhelmed with anger and sadness at these efforts to ban some of my favorite books, including such works as those like To Kill a Mocking Bird, 1984, Animal Farm, Lord of the Rings, Beloved (and other books by Toni Morrison), and Of Mice and Men (and other books by John Steinbeck), as well as many, many others. Someone in the comments of the blog I read said, "If picking up a book is the worst thing your child does, consider yourself lucky." I agree!

So I quickly googled Banned Books in Canada how this list of books being challenged. Now, don't get me wrong, some materials are not age-appropriate for children, and there are definitely some controversial issues discussed in some of the books by the sound of some of the titles but that isn't a good reason for censorship - especially when books like Harry Potter, Star Wars, and the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn are included. Also, considering how awesome some of the challenged books on these lists are, I think I'm going to choose a couple of books from these lists for my own "To Read List" and this I do in honor of Read-In Week.

Are some of your favourite books on these lists? I'd love to hear from you!

Grief and Atheism

Sorrow

I have experienced grief on both sides of faith. On one hand I can totally understand the comfort faith in an afterlife can be; but on the other hand, there is an equally comforting belief that there is none. We are born, we live, and we die as part of a process that has no director, no meaning but that which we give it, and that death and disease is just a part of life.

I have lost people dear to me both when I was fully convinced there was a God and an afterlife and now that am fully convinced of the opposite (no God, no afterlife). I have actually found grief to be more straightforward now. People die, can die at any time, and there is no reason for it except that it happens to everyone. I can be sad and I can rejoice in my memories of the people I love who are gone. I don't have to wonder where they are; if they were "good enough" to be in a better place; if they are watching over me. They are in my heart and in my memories - and when I miss them, that is where I will find them - always.

As an athiest, I no longer feel the need to reconcile with God when I lose someone. I don't question why young mothers are taken from their families who need them so badly - I no longer have to make sense of why God would take them, when it seems so unnecessary and God presumably has a reason for doing so. I don't have to wonder why God wouldn't step in and save someone from a crippling depression that caused her to take her own life. These things just happen and they are sad.

After I left faith in God behind me, I often wondered if perhaps I would miss it in hard times. If I would wish faith back into my heart when I experienced pain, loneliness, or grief. When I finally experienced grief as an atheist, I was surprised to find that my lack of faith was actually a relief. I no longer have to try to understand why a supposedly loving God would let bad things happen to good people. I don't have to assume "He" has his reasons. Now, I can just accept that bad things happen, without reason, and be grateful for the people who touch my life, for the love that we shared, and be sad without feeling guilty for wishing they were still here, instead of some kind of paradise.

As an atheist/agnostic, I find death and grief more straightforward now. All I need to deal with are my own feelings and the feelings of those around me. My comfort is my memories and the hugs and community of those who also loved the people I've lost. I no longer feel the need to understand tragedy, but have just accepted it as a part of life. I find my heart comes to peace easier as an atheist than it ever did as a believer.

Last night, I read a blog post that a friend of mine linked to on facebook. It was written by Derek K. Miller who died of cancer. He intended for this to be posted on his blog when he died. He was diagnosed with cancer in 2007.

He was an atheist and wanted to leave some final thoughts regarding his beliefs and love for his family and life. I found it very moving, courageous, and poetic.

It turns out that no one can imagine what's really coming in our lives. We can plan, and do what we enjoy, but we can't expect our plans to work out. Some of them might, while most probably won't. Inventions and ideas will appear, and events will occur, that we could never foresee. That's neither bad nor good, but it is real.

I think and hope that's what my daughters can take from my disease and death. And that my wonderful, amazing wife Airdrie can see too. Not that they could die any day, but that they should pursue what they enjoy, and what stimulates their minds, as much as possible—so they can be ready for opportunities, as well as not disappointed when things go sideways, as they inevitably do.

Anyway, I thought it was beautiful. He obviously lived life believing it was his only shot, found love, enjoyed family and friends, and pursued his dreams and goals. And then he faced disease and death without fear or even hope for more.

What I found even more interesting though is the comments section of this post. As we all know, those who believe in a god vastly outnumber those who do not. Some of them loved and knew Derek, or just read his blog. Many people expressed their condolences, but also added their own hopes and beliefs that Derek perhaps discovered he was wrong, having now "arrived" on the other side. Inevitably, those who share Derek's beliefs were offended on his behalf, finding it disrespectful for Christian to now imposes their beliefs on Derek's experience, his goodbye, his final words. I think its too bad that a feud is now tarnishing Derek's final goodbye.

Some say there are no atheists in foxholes; Derek is just one example that they do indeed exist.

Thoughts on Expressing my Views

Dale McGowan recently posted a glowing review of The Humanist Approach to Happiness by Jennifer Hancock - a book that I have now placed on my own "to-read" list. A couple of the things that Dale said in this post really resonated with me. The first statement that hit me is one I have often felt myself:

For many years, virtually all of the books for nontheists had a kind of superhuman quality to them — stratospheric works of science or philosophy that blow your hair back with articulate rigor. I couldn’t read The End of Faith or pretty much anything by Russell or Hitchens without feeling both amazed and a little bit cowed by the intellectual horsepower.

I have definitely felt this way when reading Dawkins, Hitchens, Sagan, and Shermer - to mention a few. There are many topics I would like to write about - but whenever I begin to draft a post on a topic that is somewhat controversial like my interest in atheism, science, medicine, secularism, politics, education, etc., I begin to fear that I do not have the expertise to truly address the issue. I am not a hard-hitting scientist (or a scientist at all for that matter), I am not in staunch opposition to anyone who has any kind of religious belief, although I have left my own religious beliefs behind me. I`m just an ordinary person, who having once found myself to be completely accepting and believing of something I later found to be demonstrably false, has made a decision to live my life in a way that honours the values I hold dear without religion and who trys to apply critical thinking, logic, and sound knowledge when faced with decisions that affect my family`s well-being and happiness.

When I came across Dale McGown and his book "Parenting Beyond Belief", I was introduced to a sample of people who seem to be just like me: individuals who think deeply about their place in the world, how to be happy, and how to make the world we share a better place through their own unique contributions - all without religion. It was sooooooooo refreshing. I never doubted that I couldn't be happy without religion - the last 6 years have been great so far! - or that I could raise ethical caring kids without religion, but it was really, really nice to read about parents who are already doing this. Of the author of The Humanist Approach to Happiness, Dale says:

Jen never tries to speak universally. She speaks for herself, clearly and informally, thinking out loud about decision making, simplicity, honesty, body ethics, sex, vibrators, relationships, addiction, self-image, pooping, death, and more. ... The net effect is a conversation about everything with an intelligent, unpretentious friend.

This is how I want to express myself on this blog and I hope I find both the courage and grace to do so without worrying too much about how others may receive my thoughts and opinions. I want to express my gratitude for those who are part of the ongoing conversation and online community who are setting the example for me - many of whom you can find on my blog list.

Pregnancy/Life Update

Things have been very busy lately. The first half of October has been such a blurr with being a bridesmaid in an out-of-town wedding, putting a nursery together, shopping for baby, and being 8 months pregnant, tired, uncomfortable, emotional, and cranky - there hasn't been much time for time for writing.

The Nursery

We are not quite done the nursery yet - we plan on adding a wall shelf, some type of storage area for books/toys, and curtains, but so far things are coming together nicely. We've gone for neutral colours and an understated jungle theme. Here are some progress pics:

The rocking chair was handed down from my dad -
who bought this to rock me to sleep when I was a baby.

The Wedding

Dear friends of ours got married recently at the beautiful Banff Springs Hotel and I had the priviledge of standing up for a dear friend as her matron of honor. It was well worth the trip, as the wedding was beautiful, romantic, fun, and elegant - everything my friend wanted and it was great to be part of her day. Even with the swollen feet and aching abdominal muscles. Sitting in a car for long periods, eating out for almost every meal, late nights, and taking care of a husband who had waayyyyyy too much fun is not recommended this late in pregnancy - but it was worth it and I loved every minute of it. Here are some pics:

The Pregnancy

So far, so good. My right hip has been bothering me along with a searing pain just under my belly button has made walking and standing for long periods very uncomfortable. I have seen my Dr. about the searing pain and apparently my abdominal muscles are being stretched by my growing uterus/baby which could result in muscle separation/gap and/or a hernia - I'm hoping neither of these things happen so I have decided to take some vacation days prior to start my mat. leave which means I'll have three weeks at home prior to my due date. Only 13 work days left - whoo hoo!

The gestational diabetes is going okay, although without my daily walks (due to the pain) its getting harder to control my blood sugars. I have to be stricter with my diet than I would like, but so far I am avoiding insulin. We'll see if that lasts. I have taken up going to the pool for exercise but I can't make it every day - walking was so much more convenient.

I am really starting to resent watching other people eat sweets and dessert. I had two birthdays to attend in September, my husband brought home a lemon mergueine pie (my favourite) a couple of weeks ago, at the wedding they served what looked like fantastic chocolate cheese cake, I've missed out on pumpkin and apple pies at family dinners, and oh - I'm just feeling a little sorry for myself. On the bright side, I'm staying within the recommended weight gain range for pregnant ladies - so I guess I should just focus on the positive.

And finally - I think pregnancy hormones are seriously messing with my emotional state. I am sooooooooo sensitive and weepy lately. I feel snappy/sad/annoyed lately for the silliest things - a small comment, a conversation that I brought up myself, stewing over something I read online or in the newspaper, bawling during last episode of Glee. It's just crazy! I mean, don't get me wrong, I am normally a pretty sensitive person, but let's just say that personality trait feels a little intensified lately. I'm hoping now that I don't have any major events or project looming that this might settle down - it could be the combination of stress, busy schedule, and pregnancy. The stress and busy schedule has eased up now.

Me and my bump!

Introduction

I am on the brink of a brand new life – parenthood. In a few short months, my husband and I will be welcoming a new life into our home, hearts, and life. I could not be more excited. This is probably a crazy time to commit myself to writing a blog, hey? Well, it's been something I've been thinking of doing for some time - and there is a part of me that feels like I will want this outlet during the year I will be on maternity leave, which will likely start in November. Let's see how that goes.

So, to start off here is a little bit of information about me.

Over the past 5 years, I evolved from a religious to a secular humanist world view. As a believer, I was often admonished to live in the world, but not be “of the world.” As a secular humanist, I now celebrate being “of this world” and am inspired by it and its inhabitants. For the past 3 years, I have been enjoying the blogging community as an observer and appreciator. I have also been reading books and magazines and listening to podcasts related to skepticism and evidence-based decision making. I am fascinated with other people’s journeys, motivations, and thought processes and often like to reflect on and discuss my own. From time to time, I will probably reflect on this journey, what it means to me, and how it affects my day-to-day life, my views on current events, and what it is like for me to approach family life and parenting with this world view. 

Professionally, my career has involved recruitment and selection, career planning, professional development and adult education. I have a degree in family social sciences with a focus on human development and am currently pursuing an advanced degree in adult and distance education. These are also topics that may crop up on my blog from time to time.

I truly believe that the way forward in this world is to connect with as diverse a group of humans as possible and to develop an appreciation for both human sameness and diversity.

Ultimately, I hope this blog will be an opportunity for me to share my life with my family and friends, sort out my thoughts and feelings regarding life`s joys and challenges, and to engage in dialogue with others on topics related to family life, parenting, secular humanism, skepticism, learning, and career planning.

I’m not really sure how this blog will shape itself over time, as I’m sure I will find my rhythm and make changes as I go.